What Makes a Superhero?

1. Super Powers.
2. if #1 is N/A then Robot suit or Parts.
3. the ability to level City Blocks.
4. a Super-Secret-totally-noticeable-base-cave.
5. being able to NEEM people with HUGE guns.
6. some floating tower somewhere in space.
7. intergalactic Archenemies you meet with on Thursdays for coffee (scheduled truce).
8. Counting to the last digit of Pi. Twice.
9. Eating your enemies Guards when they capture you. (Come on that is pretty Heroic).
10. Resurrecting Gary Gygax (Creator of DnD) (R.I.P.)
11. helping others (not for Me But I guess it's true).
12. self sacrifices. (again yuk, but you now you gotta).
13. winning at Chess with a monopoly piece, 2 red checkers, a bottle cap and a bishop.
14. not only standing out in the crowd, but still blending in even thought you have 1400 pound gun in your left hand.
    

this is what being a hero means. pretty awesome ain't it.

Responsibility Sucks

Does Peter Parker have a Responsibility to help others? NO! Why? Well because that's boring and no one wants to do that. "OH NO LOOK! MY INDEPENDENTLY RUN SMALL BUSINESS OF QUESTIONABLE PRACTICES HAS BEEN ROBBED!!!!! HELP ME RHINO-MAN!!!!!!!!!!!"
"No."

That's how it should go; to lazy to do anything, but you COULD, but you won't. and have a responsibility is like Chores or Work. if I wanted to do that I wouldn't have an Alter Ego, I would just have a secret identity.

The Plot Sucks.

OK now I will explain the Main Idea of Spider-Man.

so Peter at first gets bullied a lot, and he doesn't like that. he and his class go on a field trip (yippee) to OZ Corp. Labs, where Peter Gets bitten by a radioactive spider and falls unconscious and wakes up on the Bus next to Mary Jane (his only Friend). he goes home early (lucky) and goes to bed. later he goes back to school and breaks like 2 desks and then falls unconscious again. he soon realizes that he has the ability to walk on walls and has better reflexes and is stronger. he then stays home for a day and gets really bad angst. he breaks a bullies hand and has to pay for the hospital bill by wrestling. starts off good then turns to poo. His Uncle Ben gets Shot and Peter gets revenge by NOT killing the guy who killed Uncle Ben. Then Green Head appears and attacks the School and Peter stops him. THE END! (oh ya and you can insert Angst when ever necessary).

What Would Happen If....(2)

.... Everyone had Spider-Faces Super Power? well first off it would NOT be considered a Super Power, and seeing as Spidey's only Power is wall climbing (and a bit of Super Strength) and NOT Web Shooting like in the Movies (Peter makes a Molecular Adhesive Shooting Thingy Machine) Humanity would be used to it since everyone has it since we first came Out O' the Trees and Discovered Fire (or Whatever that's just MY Version). Doors wouldn't have been invented since Spidey only ever uses the window. Cars probably wouldn't have been invented either; everyone would just Parkour Everywhere. Pollution would be down since there is no Cars. Home security would be REALLY weird, Since everyone has the Power of Wall Climbing, you'd have to have REALLY slippery Walls or Something. Art would be really Freakin' Weird; Imagine the Mona Lisa Climbing on the Wall. Architecture would be Changed infinitely, so much that I'm not even going to get into it. Also Blogging would be a lot like this Comic: http://xkcd.com/239/
This concludes my post, I hope you liked it.

Steps to Make Spider-Man NOT Suck.

Ok fellow Trolls, Superheros and Ducks, this Post is about how I, So Totally NOT Rhino-Man-Man, would Make Peter Parker a Better Superhero.

1. Not be Peter Parker.
2. Not be a Wimp.
3. Date Mary Jane.
4. If # 3 doesn't work out, to tell Mary Jane to date Rhino-Man.
5. get lessons from Rhino-Man about how to make nukes.
6. get Laser Guns.
7. get written by DC.
8. 2 Words: Utility Belt.

Of coarse Spider-Man is to far into his Failure to deserve Any of This other than #4 so this is pretty much a lost cause. Oh well.

Each Chapter Sucks

OK as you know I don't like Spider-Man, but I was forced to read Ultimate Spider-Man #1 and was exposed to some crappy chapter names. I will now list them and give reasons why they suck. (ok some of them are descent)

1. Powerless. Ok I Guess since Peter doesn't have any Powers yet.
   
2. growing pains. it should be renamed: Peter Parker Slayer of Desks and Lord of Angst.


3. Wannabe. this chapter title is lame since by this time peter has his powers and beats the Marvel Crap outta some Sissy named Crusher Hogan. it should be renamed: Steroids and Why They are Bad.


4. With Great Power Comes. this Title Assumes that the Reader is a Goody-Two-Shoes that thinks that With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility, when in reality most people would agree on my Title: With Great Power Comes (the Ability to Level City Blocks)
   


5. Life Lessons. it should be renamed: PETER ANGSTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because he goes all Angst and kills some guy cause he shot his Uncle, the only person who actually cares about Peter, him and Marry Jane, (Ok not even Mary Jane, Cause Peters EMO!
6. Big Time Super Hero. Fail. That is All. SPIDER-FAIL is NOT a big time Superhero, Were as Rhino-Man is. All he does is save some School from being Blown Up. WHAT THE HECK MAN! Why Save Something that Sucks that much????????????? Oh yeah your you. New name: Now NO ONE at School will Love Me :(
7. Revelations (or Secret Identity) Peter ALMOST gets shot (so close) and has some big Green Guy (Green Goblin) take the Bullets. Terrible chapter title. I propose a new one: Green Goblin, the NEW Meat Shield.
   

PETER PARKER FAILS AT LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well in Ultimate Spider-Man Peter Parker creates a Molecular Adhesive that is used for his Spider Web power thingy. now me being Rhino-Man, who is way better than Spider-Man, I would so use it in one of my many, MANY SUPER NEEM GUNS (S.N.G.). I would use the natural stickyness to make sticky Grenades and be such a Troll (I'm looking at you Dragnite28) that I would PWN n00bs in HALO 3 cause I'm that awesome. Also wound closing would be another possibility as would getting things from across the Rhino Cave (never have to get up for anything ever Again!). More research is necessary to fully grasp the potential of the Adhesive.

What would happen if...

... PETER PARKER TOLD MARY JANE HE LIKED HER? w00t! LOTS of stuff that's what! OK in this post I'm going to list the things that would happen.

1. Probably the little Twat would either get slapped, or if the author was feeling generous he would get at LEAST a kiss. (sorry it's a kid's book)=0
2. She would profess the fact that she is madly in love with him and they would have kids and be a family.
3. She would blow up.
4. Fall in love with me Rhino-Man. <(>_<)>
5. Any companation of the above.

why does Peter Parker suck?

Well in Ultimate Spider-Man, Peter Parker is like an Über nerd/Geek Wannabe, so he gets picked on a lot. I think that this is because that the author assumes that this happens to geeks. if he was a REAL Geek then he would have just caused the bullies head to explode with sheer awesome. the Author is obviously not a Geek and should be Hit with a stick for his lack of realism.

Why Does Spider-Man Suck?

Ok so like i'm secretly Rhino-Man, who is like totaly the best Level#157 Epic Wizard-Ninja-Cyborg-Rhino-Troll-Hybrid-Theif-Assassin-Munchkin-RIGHTEOUSQUEST!!!!!!!!!!!. Iwould have handled being picked on differently by "NEEMING" them with my SUPER-DUPER Cannon (S.D.P) then copping in half anyone left. That is how I'd handle Bullying. The Ye Olde Fashioned Way; by bullying even more. Also afterward I would like go on and hang out with real super heros, like Gordon Freeman. (YOU JUST BIN CROWBAR'D!!!!!!!)